Monday, 14 November 2011

The Return of the Blonde Doctor.

Meanwhile I'm half getting somewhere when it comes to beating my black dog. I'm all drugged up and ready to go.

OK, not really, I'm on the lowest possible dose but I'm having a blast with the side effects.

And really, I feel like there's some sort of taboo on mental health issues in doctors. But really, we're people too, and anything that can happen to you can happen to us. The depression hit me hard, and the resulting relapse into anorexia hit me harder. I am fighting.

And right now, I'm struggling to regain my career, to return to work, to make it work. I've been given the green light to start seeing patients again, limited to one a day three days a week. I see them in the emergency department, the only place where I can do this.

And today was my first day. I was nervous. I went to work at around noon, after having some trouble collecting my medical gear. I was not as much nervous about seeing a patient, I was nervous about colleagues and consultants.

So I got to the hospital, and faced my first challenge: how to get hold of a white coat. I didn't know the autovallet doesn't work between 10AM and 1PM, there's no sign to enlighten me either. It was somewhere betwee 12:15 and 12:30, and I wasn't entirely hoping to sit there and wait, so I went around to the linen room. A very cross lady handed me a coat, in the same size I wore before, and I'm drowning in it now.

I don't know why hospitals always insist on letting us wear ugly coats.

Went to the emergency department. Welcomed by colleagues. Stared at by a medical student. Not-sure-what'ed by nurses. (But I brought them home-baked biscuits, we had too many). One colleague told me 'well, we have dyspnoea, dyspnoe and dyspnoe, which do you prefer?'
Eh, I'll see the one with dyspnoea...
New nurse handed chart to dr Olderguy, Dr Olderguy handed it to me 'It's dr Blondie's patient'.

Old-ish lady with heart failure. Gave her some lasix and sent her to CCU.
On my way out:
Patient: 'Dr HerGP said I have ladies' legs'
Daughter: 'Well, old ladies' legs then, because mine don't look like that'.

And then, actually, I was tired. Need to train that brain a bit.

I have discovered the use of podcasts though. As I'm (more or less compulsively) walking around, I can now study at the same time!


  1. Welcome back. Maybe it is you and maybe it is the medication, but I sense a little perkiness in your words.

  2. So sorry you've been going through this, and I hope things continue to get better. I went through a depression in med school myself, so I have some appreciation for how brutal and frightening it can be. Wishing you the best.