Wednesday, 7 September 2011
I haven't been writing here much lately. To be quite honest, I haven't been reading much either. I just don't really have the mental energy for it.
My black dog seems to be back for a visit. I'm fighting really hard not to let it crush me. I'm not all the way down there yet. Today, I had a good day. I felt neutral during the evening. It's the best day I've had all month. It's not serious yet, I've been a lot worse in the past. I'm still working, I'm still sort of functioning, but it's there. Haunting me. I can't remember if I was fully depressed as a teen. I don't think I was. Regardless; if this thing follows through, it's my second depression if I don't count the BC pill-induced one I went through in 2009, the third if I do. I get agitated-depressed, so basically I remain more or less functional for a long time.
I'm not keen about the idea of anti-depressants, and I'm not entirely sure how to go from here; but I'm fighting.
Yes, I'm also on a new BC pill. But actually, this time I don't blame it. See; I was going down BEFORE I started the pill, and actually, I'm calmer when taking it than I was in the pill-free week. And I have a good enough explanation for what's happening, the pill-induced depression just seemed to happen out of the blue and lifted within 3 weeks after switching to another pill.
Yes, I know doctors and mental health issues are taboo. I also know that I'm not alone. Depression is a common ail amongst physicians. In fact, doctors commit suicide relatively more often than most other professions. (Ironically, female psychiatrists are most likely to take their own lives!). I know 2 GP's who went through depression.
And I'm fighting.