Monday, 21 February 2011

Frustration

I just can't wait to get my life together. I am utterly frustrated. I'm sitting at home, sometimes doing the odd temp job. I am also volunteering once a week, btw. My social life is a mess, my body is a mess, and I'm broke.
I'm not getting anything done. This weekend, I was supposed to write two applications and send them. Not done. Also, the money-time balance is way off: loads of time, no money. In a year I'll have money, but no time.

Saterday's temp gig was slightly better than promoting toilet paper. I got to put on my 'suit' (10 pound Marks&Spencers trousers combined with a white longsleeve tee and my black blazer -Elle, so it's sort of designer- which I bought at a going-out-of-business sale) to sell Hugo Boss at De Bijenkorf, a posh warehouse which I absolutely love. It's odd, seeing teens wearing clothes that cost  much more than I made in a month with my job at that age. I was fascinated by the people who bought the clothes. Maybe one day I'll marry rich? If required, I wouldn't mind learning to play tennis, but I sort of draw the line at hockey.

To add to my frustration, I haven't gotten very far with my 11 projects for '11.
Almost two months gone, and here's the status quo:
1) Find and start first job as a doctor: Well, 3 applications sent, one turned out for a job that doesn't exist. Another 2 will be sent out in due time. Tuesday?

2) Get a drivers' licence: Well, in all fairness, this one is going OK. Test on March 11.

3) Running: The first aim was to run a 10k race. Am still working on that, and I am at 9k, but I also have a bit of an ITband problem. After gait analysis by my physister I have learned that I am indeed a midfoot striker (much to her amusement) but I also use my right (affected) leg less and I need to work on my strength. The shoe is not the problem. Good, because I want to do other things with the little money I have.

4) Get my diving licence: The course is booked.

5) Join a club: is proving difficult: no money. Also, with no job I still can't guarantee I'll be near here for the rest. Stability is the biggest issue here!

6) The food and weight situation: is, if possible, even worse. Much to my frustration. Am working on it, but I'm going to look awful for a while. It's just fairly impossible to do it right while living here. Yes, it's almost march, and I'm heavier than I was with New Years. And even more uncomfortable. No, I am not going to buy fat jeans. The thing is, boredom leads to eating more than usual. Boredom plus hunger is catastrophic, but I don't have the resources to handle the hunger in a healthy way. Extremely frustrating!!!

7) Keep up cross- and strength training.I am still cross-training, but strength training isn't happening. I find it rather boring. And today I spent half an hour trying to get the pilates DVD to work, it didn't. I did a better job at uni: the gym was close by. I get bored, and I can't do it in front of the TV in my room. (Because there's a bed, and then some mess because there's nowhere to put my stuff, and then the rat's pen and that was my entire room)

8)Learn to cook new dishes: Well, I did one...does it count that I made mash for the first time?

9) Creativity time: Well, apart from writing, no and this is frustrating. I'd love to work on my ratbook project, but it's such a hassle to dig out my stuff in the garage... as I have nowhere to put it and nowhere to work.

10) Being organised: Well, I tried with the room. It doesn't work It's depressing. And I'm not getting anything else done... Literally, there's a bed, and part of a closet and a desk that is mine. I can't put anything anywhere. And it's driving me nuts.

11) Learn new things. Well?

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